A Muppet's Graveyard Shift
by Jonathan Cartoons Inc
Summary: Bert and Ernie work the night shift at the Muppet Show. Bert tells the story of The Sound-Making Cookie Eater, which turned out to be Grover, who wanted a job application. In the end, Count Von Count was the one eating the cookies. (A parody of the SpongeBob episode "Graveyard Shift")


French Narrator Darius Whitehead says... "Ah, The Muppet Show, New York's premiere daytime performance. Where it will be closing time right about..."

"Now!" Bert said cheerfully as he switched the "Open" sign to "Closed" on the door. "10:00! So long, everybody! I've got to play football with a little pigeon and his name is Bernice." as he put a pigeon in his hand.

Scooter shows up and knocks on the door, causing Bert to drop the pigeon.

"What?" Bert asked Scooter.

"Are you open?" Scooter asked.

"Read the sign." Bert told Scooter, as he pointed at the sign.

Scooter wanted to read the sign, but ignored it.

"I'd like a deluxe hamburger, and some double chili fries with that, please." Scooter said.

"No, you won't! I can't hang out here all night. I have got a life to live in the neighborhood." Bert said.

"Well, fine, if you guys don't want my money." Scooter was angry.

"Money?!" Kermit said, cheerfully, as he fell on the top of the ceiling and landed on Bert. "You mean, if we stayed open later, you'd give us your money?"

"Sure!" Scooter said. Gonzo, Beaker, and Bunsen appeared behind him.

"Bert, welcome to the night shift." Kermit said to Bert as he tore up the "closed" sign. "From now on, The Muppet Show is open 24 hours a day."

"What?!" Bert said angrily. Suddenly, a Muppet crowd barge in cheering. Ernie came in.

"Wow! Now we'll never have to stop working!" Ernie said.

"Kermit..." Bert started.

"See you in the morning, guys. I cannot hang out here all night, I have got a life to live in my swamp." Kermit said as he left.

"Kermit?" Bert said.

"Isn't this great, Bert? Just you and me together for hours and hours and hours, and then the sun will come up, and it'll be tomorrow, and we'd still be working!" Ernie was excited. "It'd be just like a sleepover, Bert! Only we'd be squeaking and covered with duckies! Are you ready to rock, Bert?!" Ernie asked Bert.

"No." Bert said to Ernie.

"Good! Cause we've got a Muppet show!" Ernie said, as he walked off.

Farley walked up to the stage, and Bert handed him a baseball bat.

"Here, please hit me as hard as you can." Bert said to Farley.

Ernie was at the backstage.

"Hey, Bert. I'm at the backstage, at night." Ernie laughed.

"Don't hold back." Bert said, as he leaned his head on the curtains.

Cut to Ernie at the backstage.

"Hey, Bert! Guess what? I'm writing letters, at night!" Ernie said. Now cut to him on the stage dancing like a ballerina. "Look at me, I'm dancing on the stage, at night!" Now cut to him touching the ring of fire with his hand. He screamed. "Ow! I touched the ring of fire with my hand, at night."

Cuts to Ernie walking around the stage, singing to the tune of Charge.

"Night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, night, na-na-na-na-na-night! NIGHT!" Ernie screamed.

"Will you please, Ernie?!" Bert said. "Here, give me a moment's peace and take out the trash." Bert handed him a garbage bag.

"All right, Bert! Taking out the trash, taking out the trash, at night..." Ernie walked outside the Muppet Show doors, but stopped right there.

"You mean, outside, Bert?" Ernie asked.

"That's where the dumpster is, yes." Bert said to Ernie.

"I don't know, Bert. It's kind of dark out there." Ernie said.

"But I thought, you liked the night shift." said Bert.

"You're right." Ernie said, ready to be brave. "For The Muppet Show!"

Ernie then ran in a panicking mode taking the garbage bag in the dumpster, and ran back inside The Muppet Show doors, heavily panting.

"Piece of cake." Ernie said, snapping his fingers.

"So you're not afraid?" Bert asked.

"Pfft, nah!" Ernie said, sarcastically.

Bert then was scared. "Well, I am. Especially after the-" Bert gulped. "Well, you know."

Ernie turned around. "What? What do I know?"

"You don't remember? It was all over the news." Bert said to Ernie.

"Tell me! Tell me!" Ernie wanted to hear it.

"No, no, I probably shouldn't. It would ruin the night shift for you." Bert said, as he gave a sympathetic look, then smiled slyly.

"What happened, what happened, what happened?" Ernie excitedly asked.

"You mean you've never heard the story of the..." Bert thought real hard. "Sound-Making Cookie Eater?"

"The Round-Baking Wookie Leader?" Ernie said, confused.

"The Sound-Making Cookie Eater!" Bert corrected Ernie.

"The Ground-Breaking, the Found-Saking, Bound-Staking, the Pound-Caking, Raking, the Zounds-Faking, duhh..." Ernie was curious to find out what Bert said.

Bert said, "Yes, the Sound-Making Cookie Eater. But, most people just call him the So-" Bert breaks into chicken clucking. "because that's all they have time to say, before he calls them!"

Ernie gasped in shock and begged to hear the story. "Tell me the story, Bert!"

"Years ago at this big ol' theater, the Sound-Making Cookie Eater used to be a silly clown, just like you. Only messier. And then, one night, while he was making some noises, it happened." Bert paused.

"He forgot to bring a beach ball?" Ernie asked.

"No." Bert replied.

"He didn't sing the blues?" Ernie asked again.

"No." Bert replied again.

"The rapper kicked him off?" Ernie asked once more.

"No!" Bert replied and said, "He fell off of the stage by mistake."

"You mean like this?" Ernie said while falling down. "Or like this?" Ernie falls down again. "Or this?" Ernie tripped on a banana peel. Ernie kept falling one too many times until Bert interrupted him.

"Except he wasn't a seal!" Bert said.

"So?" Ernie asked.

"So he didn't play ball!" Bert yelled.

**"OH, NO!"** Ernie screamed.

"And he apologized for all of his Muppet fans." Bert continued. "And then...they put him on the road! And at his china shop...they left him! So now every, what day is it, Ernie?" Bert stopped while asking Ernie what day it is.

"Thursday." Ernie said.

Bert then continued, "Thursday night, his clone returns to The Muppet Show, to reach his ravenous hunger."

Ernie gasped. "But tonight's Thursday night!"

Bert then looked around suspiciously. "Then he'll be coming."

"How will we know?" Ernie asked.

"There are three signs that signal the approach of the Sound-Making Cookie Eater. First, the cookies will be eaten from the plate. Next..." Fozzie interrupted Bert's story of the Sound-Making Cookie Eater.

"Dude, may I have a Honker?" Fozzie asked Bert.

"Oh, there you go." Bert said, giving the honker to Fozzie.

Bert continued. "Next, the frogs will croak, and nobody will hear a sound. And finally, the Sound-Making Cookie Eater arrives in the clone of the road his fans threw him on! Then he goes onto stage and finds something up, just minding on its own, because it doesn't see him! Then he climbs on the table with his barely blue Muppet hands."

"No!" Ernie said.

"He opens his mouth." Bert opens his mouth to Ernie, opening wide and saying "ahh". "He slowly approaches the Muppet, and do you know what he does next, Ernie?"

"What?" Ernie asked.

"You really want to know?" Bert asked.

"What?" Ernie asked again.

"Are you sure you want to know?" Bert asked Ernie.

"What? What?! What does he do?!" Ernie said.

"He eats you!" Bert said, while attempting to eat Ernie, which caused Ernie to scream...repeatedly. Bert laughed and then stopped.

"Ernie, I was joking!" Bert said.

Ernie stopped screaming.

"It's not true! None of it is true! Nobody wants to eat Muppets, it was all a joke." Bert said to Ernie.

"Oh." Ernie said, then laughed repeatedly.

Cuts into later in the night, shows The Muppet Theater with a big sign that says "Open Forever".

Bert is shown at the backstage, reading the book. Suddenly, he hears spooky noises and feels water dripping on him but doesn't know what it is.

"Isn't that great, Bert?" Ernie said on the ceiling wearing suction cups and cleaning. "There's never time to wash the ceiling during the day."

"Open 24 hours a day. What a stupid idea. Who wants to eat a hamburger at 4 in the morning?" Bert said to himself.

Cut to Cookie Monster's bedroom where Cookie Monster sleeps in.

"Oh boy, 4 am!" Cookie Monster said excitedly, then whipped out a hamburger and started to eat it.

"Just look at this place, it's like a ghost town in here." Bert said. Then, the cookies start to disappear. "Very funny, Ernie."

"What?" Ernie said.

"And the cookies be eaten from the plate, just like the story, I get it." Bert said. Then he realizes nobody was eating the cookies from the plate.

"Hey, Bert, how come you're doin' that without movin' the switch?" Ernie asked Bert.

"I'm not doin' it, must be an invisible cloak or something. This place wasn't built to run 24 hours a day." Bert said.

Frog croaks, Bert listens to it.

"What? Ya gonna say something or what?" Bert said to the frog.

"Nice try, Bert." Ernie said, evilly. "The frogs will croak and no one will hear a sound. Heh, you crack me up, Bert."

"Ernie, I'm not doing this. Okay, Bert, don't get freaked out. What was it? There were the disappeared cookies, and the frogs...and the spiders may hurt my skin!" Spiders crawl on Bert's yellow skin. "No, wait, they always do that, but what was that third thing?"

Finally, they hear a motorcycle, turning his head and opens his eyes wide, the road then pulls up to the Muppet Show doors.

"I didn't know the motorcycle on that road would run this late." Ernie said.

"They don't." Bert said, scared. A Muppet gets out of the road and the road pulls away, all Bert and Ernie can see is their spooky outline.

"Well, they're dropping someone off." Ernie said. From the outside, a Muppet makes the sound of the fans which made Bert scream.

"The Hound-Raking, Found-Staking, Wound-Drinking..." Bert said.

"The Sound-Making Cookie Eater!" Ernie said, and cried.

"At last you understand! We're doomed!" Bert said.

"No, that's not it, Bert. I was just so touched that you would go through the trouble to dress up a Muppet clone and stand on the other side of the road, just to entertain me! You must really like me!" Ernie cried again.

"Ernie, there are two problems with your theory. One, I hate you. And two, how can that be me when I'm standing right here?!" Bert said.

Then, the Muppet climbs on the table with his hands making Ernie scream as well.

"The Sound-Making Cookie Eater!" Bert and Ernie screamed.

And then, the Muppet walks in the door and up the counter.

"He's going to eat me! Get away, get away!" Ernie said.

"Ernie, no matter what I said, I always sort of like you!" Bert said, shuddering.

"Bert, I used your bowling ball to take a tubby time for my duckie!" Ernie said.

"Huh?" Bert asked.

Some little blue monster named Grover reaches the counter, not hungry.

"Could I have a job application here? I brought my own spatula. I called here earlier, but I hung up since I was nervous." Grover said.

"Do you have any references?" Ernie asked Grover.

"Wait, if that was you putting that frog on the counter, and you on the road, then who was eating all the cookies?" Bert said.

Later, Bert, Ernie, and Grover look over to see the Count eating the last cookie.

"Count Von Count!" Bert, Ernie, and Grover said to the Count.

The Count then laughed when the story ended.


End file.
